Professor’s Weekly News UpDate

The day after Saturday–well ain’t that just f*cking ducky?

Let us move on, shall we? All the news that you cannot use!

1–At a Kerry meeting some guy would not give up mic so he was tased. His “Don’t tase my bro” will live on youtube forever.

2–The Emmy’s were a lead balloon in the ratings–Sally Field made a anti-war statement and that was the highlight.

3–A train wreck!! Britney baby has lost her manager, lawyer; her bodyguard will testify against her in custody battle; she has been charged with hit and run and with all that she may get a sitcom.

4–Pavarotti was worth $275 million–damn and my mother wanted me to taking singing lessons, but I was smarter than that.

5–Meteorite falls into South perun and people get sick–thinking….thinking….were any pods found?

6–Jesse jackson accuses Obama of acting white–can we stop this bullshit?!?

7–Hooters to open new place in China–thinking…thinking….where will they find the boobs to fill those t-shirts?

8–Cel phone use may contribute to hearing loss—HUH? WHAT?

9–More nooses found but in a North Carolina school yard–official said they did not know if it was a prank or maybe a sports tradition. WAIT! WAIT If it is a tradition would they not already know that?

10-Dear Mr. Bush–Castro is still alive–so the rape of Cuba will have to wait.

Well there you are the most worthless news that could be found–ENJOY!