Just a few of the “important” stories of the past couple of days.

Prince whathis name of the UK is kicking his girlfriend to the curb. That should give the American people something to care about.

Some AZ teacher got caught humping a student. More important stuff!

A storeclerk got his teeth knocked out by a runaway car–please!

Imus was fired and meets with Rutgers team–move on!

People take “growth harmone” to extend youth.

Why would I be listing these? They are the most looked at stories on the web. Americans are a pathetic bunch of losers.