Weekly News Round-Up

The world is in flames, and the country is divided and these are the stories that got the most coverage.

All The News That Makes You Snooze!

Bush has to go to Albania to find supporters. The people were thrilled to see him and crowded to touch him and are very good friends of the US, to the point that some US flags were flown upside down.

A woman, Susanne Butts, was caught stealing toilet paper. I cannot make this stuff up! And since it is her third offense, it is a felon. Maybe it was an emergency! Think about it!

Spain has it going on! A bunch of bike riders mgot nude a peddled ass thru thye streets of Madrid to protest global warming. If it had happened in the US, the religious right would have stroked out! So, I am planning an event with nude biker riders, just doing my part for the good of the country.

$54 million for a pair of pants?!? Someone explain this to me, please. I have nothing, I am speechless.

Finally, it was the Queen’s birthday—thinking—I do not f*cking care. You people do realize that we fought a war with this group to be done with a monarchy, right? But yet you still have this unnatural desire to know everything royal–what are you thinking?

Believe it or not–Paris is still in jail! OK can sainthood be far away?