Tag: Masterbation

How To Cure Jolly Floggin’

Yep, the weekend and time for some silly stuff…….what is life without a little humor?

First, something I thought about while researching the other day…….For the life of me I cannot see the point of a circle!  Think about it.

Now…………… Sriracha?  I am sick of this crap!  Just as I was sick of the crap it replaced….Buffalo Sauce……you want hot then man up and eat Harissa……that should have you begging for ice cream…..

Now to the grits and the gravy of day’s post……..it is a bit personal….I do not usually do personal….but what the hell we are all friends, right?……

I recall when I discovered what to do with the horribly big erection in the morning…….all I had to do was get a hold of myself and……Flog my Jolly!

Then it became almost mandatory to do so……surely there was a cure for that compulsion……VIOLA!  There was and you will not believe what it was…….

Kellogg’s Corn Flakes sure are tasty, crunchy, and a great cure for masturbation. Sorry, the last bit’s not true—but it’s partly why John Harvey Kellogg and his brother invented the cereal back in 1878, Real Clear Science reports. An outspoken surgeon, writer, and medical chief at Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan, Kellogg abstained from sex and warned against the alleged dangers of masturbation. Such dangers included insanity, impotence, epilepsy, acne, poor posture, and blindness, in Kellogg’s view. Among his tips: Avoid all “exciting and irritating food,” wrote the Seventh Day Adventist. “A man that lives on pork, fine-flour bread, rich pies and cakes, and condiments, drinks tea and coffee and uses tobacco, might as well try to fly as to be chaste in thought.”

He also invented a few grain breakfast cereals “as healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meals,” reports Mental Floss. Brother Will, who managed the sanitarium’s books, helped him invent corn flakes but wanted sugar on them to help them sell—an addition John refused to accept. Meanwhile, John suggested more severe anti-masturbatory practices, like running a wire through boys’ foreskins to curb erections and burning the clitoris with carbolic acid to keep girls’ fingers away. Today we know the health benefits of self-love, like reduced depression, lowered prostate-cancer risk, and a better immune system, the Conversation notes.

There you have it…..the next time you get the urge to flog your jolly just pour yourself a bowl of corn flakes and relax……..the urge will dissipate……

AHHHHHH………….I feel better already!

Talk About A Bad Trip!

I recall that during the wild 60’s I tried a lot of stuff to alter my perception…..one of the better was the original LSD…the stuff that could help one see and talk with God….and all thise trips I took I never had a bad one….unless watching it raining and thinking the window pane was melting…..and then there was my religious experience…..I was looking down a long pipe and saw the face of God….it appeared as a very intelligent ape with g;lasses and a glass of wine….no conversation too k place…

What I am trying to come around to see this poece on a dude that had what I would call a “bad trip”……….

(Newser) – Something weird is in the mushrooms in Michigan’s Ypsilanti Township: Police say a man ripped off part of his own penis, almost killing himself through blood loss, after taking hallucinogenic mushrooms. Cops found the naked, screaming man outside a school after responding to a late-night burglar alarm, the Detroit Free Press reports.

“He really wasn’t saying much at all—a lot of yelling and screaming,” a police spokesman says. “He wasn’t making sense. They couldn’t really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation.” The man, a Columbus, Ohio, native, was nearly dead by the time they got him to hospital. Police say he has no history of mental illness or extensive drug use and blood tests will be carried out to see if the mushrooms were laced with anything.

A whole new definition for “jerking off”……Please share your thoughts…..Besides……..OUCH!

Why Vote For Her?

From the VOMITORIUM

Let me see if I have this about right?  Some of the candidates on this election (2010) want the government out of our lives altogether….right?  But do they really?

Neweser is reporting:

The Delaware Senate candidate opposed to masturbation who first looked like a joke has become Sarah Palin’s latest fair-haired girl. Palin has officially endorsed Christine O’Donnell in her primary race against long-time GOP congressman Mike Castle, Slate reports. Palin met with O’Donnell last month after critics viciously attacked the candidate on her lack of experience and positions, highlighting her opposition to masturbation because the Bible thumper believes “lusting in your heart” during masturbation is the same as adultery.
Democrats are more than a little gleeful that GOP and right-wing infighting may be splitting the vote on their side of the aisle, giving the Dems a boost in the general election. Castel responded to Palin’s endorsement by emphasizing the primary will be decided by “grassroots Republican voters here in Delaware, not out-of-state interest groups who are working to control the outcome.” The Castle campaign has filed an FEC complaint against O’Donnell, charging an “illegal scheme” to coordinate donations with the Tea Party Express.

I have spent decades trying to understand why people vote as they do……it is disheartening….there is little logic or for that matter rationale in the voting habits of Americans.

The type of person in the story above is one of those people that I find amusing…..they hate government involvement into our lives yet they want to involve government in our personal lives….where is the logic in that?

I stand by my belief that whatever I do to myself and that it does not harm anyone else then it is NONE of anybody’s business…if these types of people want the government out of their lives then I say get them ALL the way out….STOP trying to legislate morality!

No Toys Today

I have seen a lot of things in the South over the years and some have been humorous, but most have been damn right stupid…..and the following is damn right ignorant….

The Alabama Supreme Court ruled against Love Stuff, a Hoover business that sells vibrators and other sexual devices, and upheld Alabama’s anti-obscenity law.The court ruled that the business failed to show that the state law banning the sale of sexual aides was unconstitutional.

“Public morality can still serve as a legitimate rational basis for regulating commercial activity, which is not a private activity,” Supreme Court justices wrote in the opinion issued Friday.

“As the Eleventh Circuit in Williams IV pithily and somewhat coarsely stated: ‘There is nothing ‘private’ or ‘consensual’ about the advertising and sale of a dildo.”

Love Stuff had argued a section of Alabama’s anti-obscenity law banning “adult-only entertainment” near churches and child care centers was unconstitutional vague because the phrase was not defined.

I smell a US Supreme Court case in the making……..this from a section of the country that frowns on government intrusion into the individual’s life….how do you spell H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-S-Y?

“Sexsomnia”?

There are at least 11 different sex-related sleep disorders, collectively referred to as “sexsomnia” or “sleepsex,” that affect people who are otherwise psychologically healthy—causing them to unknowingly engage in various sexual activities during the night.

Carlos Schenck, a psychiatrist at the Minnesota Regional Sleep Disorders Center, and his colleagues have studied a number of behavioral disorders associated with sleep.

“Any basic instinct can come out in the context of sleep,” Schenck told LiveScience. “All sorts of things can happen.”

Recently, he and his colleagues turned their focus to sex-related sleep disorders. They conducted computerized medical literature searches for studies published between 1950 and 2006 related to sleep and sexual behavior and looked through a number of sleep medicine textbooks. They also analyzed data from a previously completed internet survey that had gathered data from 219 people, 92 percent of whom had experienced multiple “sexsomnia” episodes.

Among other things, they found that people—mostly men—sometimes masturbate, initiate sex with a partner and reach orgasm during sleep. They usually have no memory of these activities when they wake up, learning about them only if a partner or roommate tells them. Some of these activities can also have legal consequences, such as if someone initiates sex without a bed partner’s consent, noted Schenck.

People are at-risk for developing sex-related sleep disorders when they also tend to suffer from other sleep disorders—such as sleepwalking or sleep terrors, according to Schenck. “Sexsomnia doesn’t come out of nowhere,” he said. But “for whatever reason, sexual behaviors become part of the repertoire.”

While people might feel ashamed to learn from their partners that they are exhibiting these behaviors while they sleep, these disorders are not indicative of psychological problems, noted Schenck, whose recently published book, Sleep: The Mysteries, The Problems, and The Solutions, has a chapter devoted to sex-related problems. “Bizarre and inappropriate behavior during sleep does not necessarily reflect a daytime psychological problem.”

And “sexsomnia” disorders are easily treated with medication, he added.  (let me guess, the meds will cause erectile dysfunction?)

If anything, people who become aware of their problem but don’t seek help put themselves at an even greater risk. “The longer you go with this problem without getting it treated, the more you can then develop a secondary psychological problem,” such as depression, said Schenck, whose study is published this week in the journal Sleep.

It did not play with my ex-wife….damn…..I could have had a defense the whole damn time……

Maybe You Will Not Go Blind

Yet, according to Martha Cornog, of “The Big Book of Masturbation”, self-pleasuring is surely the second most common human sex act. And, despite its torrid history, that’s proving to be a good thing. Turns out this once taboo behavior has plenty of health benefits and can do wonders for your sex life.

While the shackles of masturbation have been loosening around our loins, it is only recently that society has started to let go of its guilt around solo sex. This is in part thanks to sex researchers affirming that most of us do it, as well as the embracing of it by television sitcoms. Who can forget the bet made by Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer as to who could remain the “master of their domain” the longest?

Even if you’re not a conformist, there’s something about safety in numbers when it comes to this topic. (And if it makes you feel even better, know that masturbation is common among other animals, like dogs, cats, horses, bulls, rats, hamsters, deer, and whales, too).

Health Benefits for Men

Research summarized in a 2007 article in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that masturbation may help men by:

— Improving his immune system’s functioning.

— Building his resistance to prostate gland infection.

— Making for a healthier prostate.

Australian researchers have reported that frequent masturbation may lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. A survey of men found the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostate cancer. In fact, those who masturbated more than five times a week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer.

Health Benefits for Females

When it comes to a woman’s health, self-pleasuring serves her well by:

— Building her resistance to yeast infections.

— Combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with their menstrual cycles, like cramps.

— Relieving painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.

— Relieving chronic back pain and increasing her threshold for pain.

What are you waiting for….it is clean….safe…and healthy….stop reading and start jerking………