Turn Your Hoo-Hoo Into a Vice

Ironically, the muscles that are not on display often get ignored in our fitness routines, yet they play such a vital role in the functions that affect our overall sense of well being as women! Hello! Sex. Controlling your bladder. Important things, right?

Any muscles that can keep you from peeing your pants and also give you more and better orgasms are not muscles you want to ignore, ladies! In fact, they deserve to be high on your fitness priority list every week, if not every day!  I’m talking about your pelvic floor muscles. These are the muscles that take a beating through childbirth, and the ones you use to stop the flow of urine mid-stream. They must be trained with the same dedication you have toward your pecs and glutes!

All you have to do is tighten and release as you would if you were stopping the flow of pee, but don’t use your toilet time for this exercise, as it might cause a bladder infection. It is best to do a mix of kegel types which include:

1. Contracting and holding for a count of five or ten, and then releasing – Slow Sallys

2. Quickly contracting and releasing repeatedly, doing sets of five or ten, and working up to higher numbers of reps just as you would with your dumbbell routine – Rapid Rhondas

3. Flexing with sets of up and down movement, and side to side movement. (YES, it is possible). These are more advanced so you may need to start with very few reps. – Wild Wandas


1) Anywhere. Anytime. A conversation with someone gets boring, smile and nod while you tighten your ticklers. Your long commute to work is taking too long, squeeze away. The line at the coffee shop is five deep, you can go “five deep” too, while you wait! Play a game. One kegel flex for every person ahead of you. They’ll never know they are part of your new exercise program; it’ll be your own little secret.

2) By doing them during marathon sex (or sprint versions, for that matter) it can help you cross the finish line.

3) Doing them regularly as well as during sex can make an upper case vowel out of a lower case. Think “BIG O” (intensity). Think caps lock on the keyboard (multiples). Think Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally, except for real. Think……well, don’t think. Just do!

4) Doing them outside of sex and/or during sex can increase pleasure for your man. (It’s not all about us, after all.)

5) Performing kegels consistently can give your sex life longevity, and aid you and your partner in having an enduring, passionate love life into old age.

6) Kegels will prevent you from soiling yourself at inopportune times. (Not that there’s ever really a good time for that).

7)  BONUS – On any given day you can substitute your kegel sets with sex, because sex strengthens pelvic floor muscles too!

Suzy’s Pelvic Floor Muscle Training Schedule For Beginners

1. Alarm clock rings – Laying in bed, do one set of 10 Slow Sallys and one set of 10 Rapid Rhondas.

2. Drive the kids to school or yourself to work – Seated in car, do three sets of 10 Rapid Rhondas spaced out over your drive.

3. At work listening to workmate gossip about Brad and Angelina as if she knows them – Pretend to listen while attempting one set of Wild Wanda combos – 3 reps of up and down, 3 reps of side to side. (Do more if you can)

4. Drive home from work – Seated in car, do 5 sets of 5 reps each, of Slow Sallys spaced out over your drive

5. Cooking dinner – Standing at stove – 1 set of 20 Rapid Rhondas

6. Have sex – with your mate if you have one, with yourself if you don’t – Any position you want – 1 amazing orgasm – or more if you can.

Ok Guys, you can thank me later—and I do accept cash……

3 thoughts on “Turn Your Hoo-Hoo Into a Vice

  1. Thanks for all the Sex Talk on this “Sexy Sunday” 🙂

    This is great advice and a must-read for any woman who gives a crap about enjoying sex well into old age.

  2. LOL…glas to help….I just hate that it comes to that sometimes….I would rather be writing about politics….but if nothing is happening and I have to writing…it is is sickness…lol

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