What The Hell Is “Testicle Tanning”?

It is the weekend and FYI is everywhere (at least on this  blog)….just because I believe my readers need to know.

Everybody’s favorite idiot, at least in the news arena is Tucker Carlson….his latest diatribe is all about ‘testicle tanning’

I bet you are scratching your head about now.

“Testicle tanning” has been trending on Twitter since it was highlighted in the latest promo for Tucker Carlson Originals, and Kid Rock is just as confused as you are.

Kid Rock joined Tucker Carlson on Friday night, after the host aired a trailer for the new season of his series, in which he interviewed physical trainer Andrew McGovern about the mental health benefits of shining a light on your testicles.

For those confused, and there are likely a lot of you, “testicle tanning” describes the practice of shining a UV light on one’s genitals in order to potentially increase testosterone.

“So, obviously, half the viewers right now are like ‘What?! Testicle tanning, that’s crazy!’” Carlson said during the clip. “But my view is, ok, testosterone levels have crashed and nobody says anything about it, that’s crazy, so why is it crazy to seek solutions?”

Carlson ended the interview by thanking McGovern for his “bravery” and “commitment to evidence-based science” while promoting new “bromeopathic” therapy. 

‘Testicle Tanning’ Trends on Twitter as Kid Rock Struggles to Understand the Why

But seriously folks, what could the benefits truly be?

There isn’t much research demonstrating that red light therapy has therapeutic benefits. The Cleveland Clinic notes that “the full effectiveness of red light therapy has yet to be determined.” We know even less about testicle tanning, specifically.

To get a better sense of what could happen when you zap your testicles with an infrared light machine, VICE called up Seth Cohen, a urologist and the director of the Sexual Dysfunction Program at NYU Langone Health. He weighed in on the alleged benefits of testicle tanning (spoiler: there probably aren’t any), and what could go wrong for those who try it (another spoiler: probably a lot).


From what I’ve read, it seems like this is used predominantly for wound care and skin care, which would make sense, because you’re shining this on your skin. But thinking that this is going to go deeper through the skin, through multiple layers, and then into testicles—I can’t see that working or happening. And, if it does, heat is harmful to the testicles. Prolonged heat can actually damage testicle tissue, lower sperm count, and be harmful for fertility. When we’re counseling our male patients on what to stay away from in terms of fertility preservation or family planning, we tell them to stay out of saunas, hot tubs, or any prolonged hot environment. I would include testicle tanning in that.

I know the Right wing is just full of crazy theories and such….but this one takes the cake.

But can these slugs get any stupider?

Could this be the answer to stop idiots from breeding?

When will this silly pack of morons start working to promote democracy and stop with junk science and silly theories?

Turn The Page!

I Read, I Write, You Know

“lego ergo scribo”


4 thoughts on “What The Hell Is “Testicle Tanning”?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.