Tag: Sexual Positions

Was That A Sex Partner?

Over the years of chasing that great piece of sex, I have heard many definitions ojust what constitutes a “sex partner”.  But the best definbitions are thosae written by Rebecca Ammon for Daily Losaf:

Oral sex only: Some swingers have rules, like soft swap only.  This means I only have oral sex with the other man then have actual sex with my husband. For me, oral sex doesn’t count as sex.

He has a limp dick: I’ve met a handful of limp dicks in my life.  The limp dick’s owner may have plenty of ambition, but unless his penis is hard enough to enter and stay inside me after several thrusts, this doesn’t count as sex.

I can’t remember it: Drinking and sex don’t equal a good time if this good time can’t be recalled. I’ve been out many times, drinking my share of Cosmopolitains, only to wake up wondering what happened. If I can’t remember his or her name, they don’t count as sex partners.

No one completely undressed: After a slow night at a swinger’s party, Soccer Dad and I enticed a young couple back to our room.  They pulled down their pants, then ours, and we proceeded to fuck without exchanging words. Because no one spoke and our clothes didn’t actually come off, these didn’t count as sex partners.

He was a 10 second Tom: If a master of jack rabbit sex puts it in and takes it out to cum before the first “O” leaves my mouth, this doesn’t count as a sex partner.

I didn’t enjoy it: I’ve been with a few men who where just plain lousy at sex. This happens for several reasons: he didn’t turn me on, his dick was nearly undetectable, he had lame moves, or his performance was so awkward that I wished I stayed home to watch Survivor reruns.  This doesn’t count as a sex partner.

There you are….read and weep……

Is It Art Or What?

Australia, the home of sharks, drunks and dead sex.

A NEW exhibition featuring preserved dead bodies having sex opened in Berlin today with critics saying a maverick German anatomist dubbed Doctor Death has gone too far this time.

The couple, part of Gunther von Hagens’ exhibition The Cycle of Life, is the “low point in his tastelessness”, Michael Braun, culture expert from the conservative CDU party, said..
Von Hagens said his copulating couples show the sexual act in “bracing clarity”.

The exhibits, of four “consenting donors”, are in a separate room accessible only to over-16s.The exhibition “offers a deep understanding of the human body, the biology of reproduction, and the nature of sexuality”.

The dead bodies are plasticised, a process invented by von Hagens involving skinning bodies to display the naked muscles, nerves and tendons underneath, and preserving them with a synthetic resin.

Van Hagens is no stranger to controversy and his many critics accuse him of deliberately shocking people in order to gain publicity, rather than furthering science as he claims.

In 2002 he conducted Britain’s first public autopsy in 170 years, despite the risk of arrest.

Three years ago he opened a factory-cum-museum in eastern Germany manufacturing “plastinated” sections of cadavers to supply researchers and medical students and charging visitors to watch the process.

They say art is in the eyes of the beholder, sorry, but this beholder finds nothing artistic in what he has done.  Personally, he sounds more like a pervert than an artist.

The Liberation Of Women

As usual today is a bit slow from the trials and tribulations of politics and Washington…..so as usual it will be Sexy Sunday…..enjoy.

Feminists of the world sit down before you read this. The Vatican newspaper says that perhaps the washing machine did more to liberate women in the 20th century than the pill or the right to work.

The submission was made in a lengthy article titled “The Washing Machine and the Liberation of Women – Put in the Detergent, Close the Lid and Relax.”

The article was printed at the weekend in l’Osservatore Romano, the semi-official Vatican newspaper, to mark international Women’s Day on Sunday.

It then goes on to talk about the history of washing machines, starting with a rudimentary model in 1767 in Germany and ending up with today’s trendy launderettes where a woman can have a cappuccino with friends while the tumbler turns.

(THINKING)…….write this day down for I am about to do something that you may NEVER see again….on this I will agree with the Vatican.  Not for the reasons that they put forth, but from a completely different perspective.

The Washing Machine on spin cycle is a great place to have sex!  My daughter was concieved on a Maytag, hence her name……I have even heard that it is good for self-erotica purposes also (was told that by a bartender in Hooters).

So yes, the Washing Machine is a grerat invention…but the Vatican just needed to do a little more research before they offered their paper.

With 8 You Get Porn

The total absurdity of this story just keeps getting deeper and deeper.

When I first heard this story I thought of the words of my 6 year grand daughter, “Eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww”!

Porn company Vivid Entertainment is offering “financially strapped” Nadya Suleman—who just gave birth to octuplets and is now the mother of 14—“a $1 million payout as well as health and dental care for all of her kids in exchange for a starring role in a porno.”

Look, said Gina Serpe in E! Online, “Octomom needs money,” and “the world needs porn.” Sure, the offer is “clearly not in the best of taste,” but it “couldn’t have come at a better time”: Apparently, the hospital won’t release Suleman’s octuplets “until she has proven she can provide them with adequate care and living arrangements,” and she’s at risk of being evicted from her home for falling behind on her mortgage payments.

Nadya Suleman certainly is “pregnant with possibility,” said Michael Musto in The Village Voice. But she hasn’t even responded to Vivid’s offer yet, and there’s a good chance she won’t do it: Let’s not forget that Suleman “popped out eight implanted embryos”—having sex doesn’t seem to be high up on her list of priorities.



Let’s Get Kinky!

Forget the boring kitchen or the bathtubs… think bizarre, out-of-the-box! Try out unexplored corners in your house, which you’ve have never earlier considered as apt places to enjoy a steamy sex session. From your storeroom to the dirty basement that you’ve never bothered to clean up to the garage that you thought was only meant for car parking – try out off-beat sex destinations and convert them into sensuous love dens.

Sex expert Dr. Deepak Arora agrees, “Whenever you experience a change in your life you feel more excited and the same holds true for sexual intimacy. Couples should keep changing the decoration of their rooms like lighting, placement of objects, wall colours, curtains etc to infuse a fresh feel every time they get intimate, as it boosts their sexual pleasure.”

Sex counselor Dr. Shivi Jaggi supports, “Taking of sex variations, a place can influence a couples’ pleasure quotient. Any place outside the stereotypical bedroom will help couples keep alive their sexual fire. The reason why they find hotel rooms more appealing than their bedrooms is for because it’s a new pleasure playground that takes their mind away from mundane domesticity and adds a zing of excitement. So, if they pay a little attention and experiment with the decor of certain places within their own homes, they can perform wonders in their sex life.”

So, the next time you plan an intimate session with your partner, try out these unexplored places within your house and see the heat of passion building like never before…

Garage Passion : Everyone loves a wild backseat romp, but it can get even wilder if you try sex in the garage. The dark ambiance and the rusty feel will surely build up the mood for a night of passion. Fun would be at its peak when you play love games of hide and seek behind the parked cars and let your partner look for you and thus build up your sexual mood. Alternately try a sex romp on top of your car. Dr. Jaggi explains, “In a garage, it’s the raw energy of the destination that adds to the pleasure and once you’re away from the comfort of your bedroom, this crude place is definitely racy and exciting. If you really wish to have a new-f

Arty Attic : An attic fills the space between the ceiling of the top floor of a building and the slanted roof, and they are known for being awkwardly shaped spaces with exposed rafters and difficult-to-access corners. So why not make the most of this neglected area in your house? Decorate it in an alluring manner to seduce your partner and during the act, try out new positions in accordance with the structure of the attic. Dr. Arora states, “Due to hectic lifestyles, couples have no time to maintain their attic space. But just devoting a single day to covert it into a lavish area to have sex can turn the heat on. Couples will surely leave their bedroom luxuries behind and have sex on rough surfaces like that of an attic.”
Cosy Corridor : If you thought the corridor was just meant for kids to play during the day and the elderly to relax in the evening, think again! You can make the most of this zone during your moments of pleasure. Think of a converting your otherwise tedious corridor/balcony into a sex inspiring den. Place a cot adorned with satin sheets and scented flowers can act as an add-on. Dr. Arora suggests, “If you’re staying on the top floor of a high rise, then the balcony or corridor can be a perfect place to have sex. Remember, you’ve moved to the balcony because you want to enjoy the fresh air and have sex in an open area, so no curtains are required. Also, ensure there are no surrounding buildings at the same level as your balcony and if there are, then wait for mid-night, so you can enjoy the act in the dark.”

Storeroom Surprises : Imagine how a broken table lying wasted in the storeroom can make for a wonderful base to get intimate with your lover. While in the storeroom, you can try being a little more creative by taking out antique items, sexual pictures, Kamasutra paintings etc and creating an atmosphere to arouse your partner. Dr. Jaggi shares, “Having sex in the storeroom is a welcome change. Having limited space, it usually stimulates sex in standing positions. The little spaces meant for ventilation allow some amount of light to enter the room, so it would be an excellent shift, as far as the surrounding is concerned.”
Romantic Roof-top : Having sex in the open on your terrace can be awesome, provided you make optimum use of the space. It can be by arranging a candle-lit dinner for your beau or decorating the entire roof-top with flower strands reviving your first-night charm. Dr. Arora opines, “If the rooftop is too high from which noone can see you from the outside, it can be an experience to remember. To make it more arousing, you can have a roof-top garden, which will not only add to the sexual energy, but also let you enjoy the fragrance of the blossoms. The moonlight adds to the ambience.”

All that time and money for this study and this is the best these yo-yos could do?  I know that there are much better ideas out there, so come on….let us put these guys to shame…….speak up!