These were sent to me in an email…..they are just great. These are things that attoneys and witnesses have said in court.
* ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
* WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
* ***
* ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
* check for a pulse?
* WITNESS: No.
* ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
* WITNESS: No.
* ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
* WITNESS: No.
* ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
* when you began the autopsy?
* WITNESS: No.
* ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
* WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
* ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
* nevertheless?
* WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
* and practicing law.
* ***
* ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
* WITNESS: Yes.
* ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
* WITNESS: I forget.
* ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
* ***
* ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
* that morning?
* WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
* ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
* WITNESS: My name is Mary!
* ***
* ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
* WITNESS: We both do.
* ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
* WITNESS: We do.
* ATTORNEY: You do?
* WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
* ***
* ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in
* his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
* WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
* ***
* ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
* WITNESS: Yes.
* ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
* WITNESS: None.
* ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
* WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a
* different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
* ***
* ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
* WITNESS: Oral.
Thanks for the laugh, Chuq! These are hilarious!
they are great, huh? My daughter sent me those in an email and I just had to share.