How To Cure Jolly Floggin’

Yep, the weekend and time for some silly stuff…….what is life without a little humor?

First, something I thought about while researching the other day…….For the life of me I cannot see the point of a circle!  Think about it.

Now…………… Sriracha?  I am sick of this crap!  Just as I was sick of the crap it replaced….Buffalo Sauce……you want hot then man up and eat Harissa……that should have you begging for ice cream…..

Now to the grits and the gravy of day’s post……..it is a bit personal….I do not usually do personal….but what the hell we are all friends, right?……

I recall when I discovered what to do with the horribly big erection in the morning…….all I had to do was get a hold of myself and……Flog my Jolly!

Then it became almost mandatory to do so……surely there was a cure for that compulsion……VIOLA!  There was and you will not believe what it was…….

Kellogg’s Corn Flakes sure are tasty, crunchy, and a great cure for masturbation. Sorry, the last bit’s not true—but it’s partly why John Harvey Kellogg and his brother invented the cereal back in 1878, Real Clear Science reports. An outspoken surgeon, writer, and medical chief at Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan, Kellogg abstained from sex and warned against the alleged dangers of masturbation. Such dangers included insanity, impotence, epilepsy, acne, poor posture, and blindness, in Kellogg’s view. Among his tips: Avoid all “exciting and irritating food,” wrote the Seventh Day Adventist. “A man that lives on pork, fine-flour bread, rich pies and cakes, and condiments, drinks tea and coffee and uses tobacco, might as well try to fly as to be chaste in thought.”

He also invented a few grain breakfast cereals “as healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meals,” reports Mental Floss. Brother Will, who managed the sanitarium’s books, helped him invent corn flakes but wanted sugar on them to help them sell—an addition John refused to accept. Meanwhile, John suggested more severe anti-masturbatory practices, like running a wire through boys’ foreskins to curb erections and burning the clitoris with carbolic acid to keep girls’ fingers away. Today we know the health benefits of self-love, like reduced depression, lowered prostate-cancer risk, and a better immune system, the Conversation notes.

There you have it…..the next time you get the urge to flog your jolly just pour yourself a bowl of corn flakes and relax……..the urge will dissipate……

AHHHHHH………….I feel better already!

Humor Is Where You Find It!

Sunday in the park…..(Chicago song)…….and I was trying to think of something clever and witty to post about today…….I was racking my brain and then I read a piece about some guy in Texas…….(need I say more?)

The US government has a training exercise going on in Texas and when it was announced the governor of Texas issued an order for the National Guard to keep tabs on the US military during the exercise……and of course the echo chamber for mental midgets turned the exercise in the government moving to declare martial law and subjugate the people of Texas………

I wait for the shooting and the martial law to begin…….and I wait……and wait….and……..

So when I read this story I thought of that situation……..

Things not to do in the 2am hour on a Thursday night: attempt to shoot an armadillo. Deputies with the Cass County Sheriff’s Department say a Texas man told them he was trying to do that when the bullet apparently ricocheted and struck him in the head instead. The details remain thin, but KTRE reports he was treated for minor injuries at a hospital. Something quite similar occurred in April when a Georgia man fired at an armadillo, only to have the bullet ricochet and strike his mother-in-law’s back. In that case, Larry McElroy did manage to kill the armadillo. There’s no word on the Texas armadillo’s fate.

Why did I think of Operation Jade Helm from this story?

Texans are up in arms about the US holding such a training exercise that they are running for their guns…….the problem is if this is a typical gun totting Texan then maybe they should just submit…….I mean if one cannot shoot an Armadillo without hitting yourself in the head………I do not think they would be much good trying to fight the best military in the world…….right?

Then there is the other side of the coin……..since guns are so important in Texas….maybe the armadillo was armed and was only firing in self-defense…..you know kinda like “stand your ground”…….

Whatcha think?

Franklin: What A Guy!

I did my grad work on early American political history and I came to love Ben Franklin……..of course most will think about his inventions like bi-focal and such or his Almanac and  for others it will be his womanizing ways both here and in France…..but for me it was his extreme sense of humor

This piece is about his essay on the problem of flatulence….

 

In 1781, Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay about farting – Vox.

Who Does Kerry Look Like?

Believe it or not….I am not always so serious and analytic…..

What is life without a little whimsey?  Have you ever had one of those nagging feelings that just will not go away?

This is mine.

Ever since John Kerry has been at the State Department I have been racking my brain….he reminds me of someone and for the life of me I cannot put my finger on it……

 

And then I was sitting there drinking my cup of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee, my fave, … and like a bolt from heaven….BAM!  I now know who he reminds me of…….think Deep Space Nine!

 

 

That’s right…he looks like the space station’s security chief, ODO!

Now I can get some sleep!  LOL