Gun Violence With A Little Humor?

It is my two days away from the mind numbing BS of the media……

The title may be a bit misleading…..there is NOTHING humorous about the amount of gun violence that is occurring in this country…..but there are some reports that make you simile whether you want to or not…….this stpry is one of them, at least for me,…….I have seen this sort of thing in the movies and in cartoons but i cannot ever remember hearing it happening in real life……that is….until now…….

According to WMAZ Channel 13, the man was parked at a gas station and was attempting to put away the .45 caliber pistol when it discharged, striking him in the groin.

The man immediately drove to a friend’s house. According to police, the victim dropped his pants to find that he had shot himself in the penis and that the bullet had exited his body through the buttocks. As he disrobed, the spent round fell to the floor.

The victim was driven to the Coliseum Northside hospital by a friend, then transferred to the Medical Center of Central Georgia.

Death and Taxes reported in January of 2013 that at least five American men have shot off their penises since 2010.

I’m sorry…….shooting oneself in the penis is just funny……

Hung Chow?

And then there are just stories that are too humrous to pass up and since this is my silly time…this one just could not be resisted…….

Here’s a novel idea that could literally shake up the way that millions of people treat constipation: a pill that vibrates when swallowed, rather than delivering medication. The capsule, which is being developed by the Israeli company Vibrant, is the size of a multivitamin and works by mimicking the peristalsis process that pushes waste through the lower intestine, USA Today reports. Researcher Yishai Ron says it increased the number of weekly bowel movements from two to four in 26 test subjects who took it twice a week for two weeks, NBC News reports. That’s good news for chronic constipation sufferers (which an estimated 15% of Americans are), as many as 50% of whom who don’t get much relief from laxatives, says Ron.

Six to eight hours after being swallowed—about the time food would reach the lower part of the digestive system—the Vibrant pill begins pulsating three times a minute. The action is controlled by an external base unit but isn’t noticeable to the patient; the capsule is eventually expelled in a bowel movement. The pill could be a superior alternative to laxatives, researchers say, because only a few minor side effects were noted—whereas research has shown that laxatives can have serious side effects, particularly if the dose is increased over time, which is often necessary. The brief study doesn’t speak to potential long-term effects, though; more extensive trials are planned. (Weird sidebar: Elvis’ longtime doctor claims the King died of chronic constipation.)

There you have it….no need for a laxative…..or an enema……..or even to work it out with a pencil (oh, sorry that was just too crude)……just swallow a vibrating pill……. you know there could b other uses for this invention but it would have to be delivered in discrete packaging……

Did You Hear The One About The Fart?

Once again it is the weekend and I for one am damn sick of all the SOTU crap…..okay I get it….you think it was a good speech….or maybe you think he was lying his butt off….let me let you in on a secret…they all lie their butts off in the SOTU….you will be a lot happier if you remember that one small fact……

May I see a show of hands….how many like a good fart story?

As usual I want to post something on the w/end that will make you smile or make you stop and think or just entertain you…….this week I could not resist a couple of fart stories……

Hitting a high C is hard enough without worrying about passing gas—and an opera singer in Nashville is suing over the dilemma, Fox News reports. Amy Herbst, a mezzo-soprano, says she was doing fine until an Army nurse screwed up her childbirth operation in 2012. The nurse at an Army hospital in Fort Campbell, Ky., apparently damaged Herbst’s reproductive and digestive system when her son was born—leaving Herbst incontinent, flatulent, and unable to continue her singing career. “She is suffering through a very embarrassing and very significant injury, and frankly, the prognosis of a fully successful repair is pretty low,” her attorney tells the Army Times. According to Herbst, the nurse performed an episiotomy—meaning she cut an area between the anus and the vagina to help ease childbirth. But the incision couldn’t be fully repaired, and it seems follow-up surgeries may not fix it, either. Herbst lost a job singing in Madame Butterfly thanks to the operation, the Tennessean reports.

Sorry but a good fart story is worth its weight in entertainment value…….

But Wait!  Yes, there is more…..

A herd of dairy cows nearly lifted the roof off their barn in central Germany yesterday when methane released by the animals caused an explosion. Police in Hesse state said in a statement that a static electric charge apparently triggered the detonation, and a spurt of flame, at a farm in Rasdorf. The roof was slightly damaged and one cow suffered light burns. No people were hurt. Police say 90 cows are kept in the shed and it wasn’t clear why quantities of methane had built up, though bovine belching and flatulence releases large quantities of the gas

Maybe there is really something to the story that farting cows are causing global warming…..after all……….

And there we have the fart stories for the month…hope you enjoyed them…..come on!  You know you are smiling….come on!

One Of Life’s Embarrassing Moments

We all have had one of those embarrassing moments, right?  Mine was when I lived in Colorado…on St. Patrick’s Day I was celebrating with my buds and decided to go into the bathroom and remove my clothes for I had dyed most of my body green….I was gonna walk thru the bar and into my friends car waiting outside the door……I strolled proudly thru the crowd smiling and winking and out the door….when I got outside my friend was across Highway 40 waiting for me and I had to dash across the 2 lane road…….there seems to have been a crowd gathered by my friends to observe the dash…..it was 20 degrees and parts of my body went into hibernation for days……everyone got a good chuckle….except me…..

I bring this bit of youthful folly as an intro to my post of the day…….

A game of hide-and-seek turned out to be not so fun for an Australian man this weekend when police, firefighters, paramedics, and a search-and-rescue team were called in to help with his, um, extraction. The man—naked, we might add—had decided to surprise his girlfriend by hiding in a top-loader washing machine on Saturday, the BBC reports. As a full-grown adult is likely to do, he got stuck, and it took rescuers 20 minutes to get him out, using olive oil as a lubricant. “He was trying to surprise his missus and became stuck,” a sergeant tells the Herald Sun. “It would be fair to say the gentleman was very embarrassed.” If you think hide-and-seek is a child’s game, well, you wouldn’t be incorrect. The Salt Lake Tribune reports that an 11-year-old Utah girl got stuck in (yep) a stackable washer and dryer while playing (yep) hide-and-seek on New Year’s Eve. KUTV reports that her cousins and sister tried to get her out of the washer using butter, peanut butter, and ice (followed by warm water, because the ice made her cold). Rescue crews eventually removed the condiment-coated girl………

Any thoughts you would like to share?

This Guy Has My Vote

We always hear about how this dude or that chick will do to get one up on their estranged spouse or lover…..you have heard a few and some of them are pretty good and imaginative, right?  Well this guy gets my vote for the best “get even” prank…..

Newser) – Hell hath no fury like, well, like a guy with the means to buy the house next door to his ex-wife and the lover with whom she cheated, and it probably also doesn’t have Alan Markovitz’s vindictive creativity, either: Seems the Detroit-area man then had a 12-foot statue of a middle finger built at his new digs, reports Fox 2. Then—because, really, why do things halfway?—Markovitz lit up his creation with a spotlight, lest his ex forget the giant bird being flipped her way when the sun’s not shining. Markovitz, who owns three strip clubs in Detroit, says that he thought his shrine would fly under the radar, which it did … until his ex’s daughter tweeted a photo of it. Click over to Fox 2 to get a look, or here for more adventures in bird-flipping.

Too cool for more words.

Have you any thing to add, my friends?

Ya Can’t Fix Stupid

It is time to make my readers smile and since it is the weekend what better time than today?

Newser) – It was not a good week to be a driver: A case of road rage escalated into something much worse, and a habitual drunk driver was handed a huge sentence for her recurring crime.

  • Woman Sentenced After 6th DUI: The first five times Rose Ann Davidson got busted for drunken driving, she managed to avoid lengthy prison sentences. Not so on No. 6.
  • Drivers Shoot Each Other Dead in Road Rage Spat: “I think it’s crazy that a small town has to have two people die,” says one witness to the Wednesday night crime, which apparently had a fit of road rage at its source.
  • Biden’s Niece Busted After Slap Fight With Police: The VP’s niece was arrested in New York—and after reading the description of the incident, you’re going to wish it had been caught on video. It involves “numerous small, slap-like hits” to an arresting officer.
  • Man Shot in Fight About 18th-Century Philosopher: Two 20-something men in line for beers at a festival in southern Russia got in a heated dispute about 18th-century philosopher Immanuel Kant. Then an air gun entered the argument.
  • Nebraska Cop Steals Police Cruiser: A Saturday night chase in Nebraska involved police cruisers chasing down … a police cruiser. What’s more, a uniformed cop was at the wheel of the stolen car.

Click for more crazy crimes, including one in which a man was stabbed after he refused to stop listening to the Eagles.

Like the title sez….Ya Can’t Fix Stupid!